Is everything this normal???

I was having problems uploading the last couple of times I tried so I gave up.  Some people have asked me if i will ever update again and thought it was about time.  

Lily is doing GREAT!!  She is very well adjusted, speaks only English and is a little stinker at times.  She does have a meltdown every once in awhile but she shows the signs of a typical 3-year old.  She's a girlie girl - loves dressess and make-up.  She loves swiming and riding her bike and or course Dora and Straw-ba-ba-berry! 

I LOVE having a girl..

Seriously I love it. When I watch Lily playing dress-up and putting on make-up it makes me giddy!!  I could totally do nails and play dress-up for hours.  In this picture Lily and Phoebe painted each other's nails  - they did a fine job.  Phoebe was a little upset because Lily got nail polish up to the first knuckle on her. Lily loves to sing and dance - lately she has been trying to teach me a song in Chinese and keeps correcting my pronunciation :)

Who is this little girl..

I was looking at some old photos from China and I can't believe that this little girl is the same one here today.  She looks so little and sad in this photo and resembles nothing of the Lily we know today. 

 Even though there were so seriously difficult and emotional times I still feel like I should be pinched because everything is going so well.  For the last 2 weeks we have had no screaming fits, meltdowns or huge battle of wills.  Things have been going very well with Lily - she is doing a great job!!

We also were given an amazing shower at church (thanks Ang and Jo).  Lily received so many nice clothes and toys - she was thrilled!  When we first got there she was a little overwhelmed and would only go to Daddy and was acting up quite a bit. Once she assumed everyone "forgot" about her she was great! She rode her scooter, bike and helped open all her presents.  She got so many awesome things that she is fully outfitted for this year and next.  We are just so surrounded by people that love and support us it is often overwhelming.  Ken and I both could only get out a few words of thanks until we started blubbering:)  I hope everyone knew how appreciative we were.

Lily's first Easter

We had a great Easter weekend with Lily and the boys.  We coloured eggs, went on many egg hunts, spent time with family and lots other things.  She has been awesome.  This week she has really settled in - we have had no meltdowns or challenges in almost a week and she is coming to me as often as daddy.  She is fitting in so well with our family and her cousins.  I don't think she remembers not being here:)

Not much to say today except .....  THANK GOODNESS FOR NAPS!!!!!!!!!!

Lily was a major cranky bum today so nap time started early and I am being SUPER quiet in hopes of a nice long nap:)

This week we had 2 awesome days in a row together where she was the happiest little girl ever, affectionate, giggling - it was so nice to see.  Today she a little more cranky and when she gets that way she challenges ME about everything, eating, walking, what clothes she's wearing.  Let's hope for three awesome days next week:)

Disclaimer :)

So apparently some people are confused about my post yesterday.  This is a post I found on an attachment website that tries to put an adults  perspective on what a child is going through when they have gone through adoption!!  Maybe I should have stated my frame of mind was solely on what I think Lily is going through. I personally did not write this but found it to be a good  representation of what might be going on in her little mind. 

Yesterday was a hard day - found this....

A Different Perspective        

 Immense Loss; Walk a Mile in Baby’s Booties 

Imagine for a moment… 

You have met the person you've dreamed about all your life. He has every

quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying

every free moment with your fiancée. You love his touch, his smell, the way

he looks into your eyes. For

the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by "soul mate,"

for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart

beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every

joy, his every sorrow. 

The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you

are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that night,

exhausted from the day's events, but relaxed and joyful in the knowledge

that you are next to the

person who loves you more than anyone in the world…the person who will be

with you for the rest of your life. 

The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner's arms. You open your

eyes and immediately look for his face. 

But IT'S NOT HIM! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror.

Who is this man? Where is your beloved? 

You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he

doesn't understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and

calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you,

pat you on the

back,...even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay. 

But you know that nothing is okay. Your beloved is gone. Where is he? Will

he return? When? What has happened to him? 

Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you

ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort

you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn't speak your language-either

verbally or

emotionally. He doesn't seem to realize the terrible thing that has

happened...that your sweetheart is gone. 

You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bedtime

with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep

alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact. 

Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are

learning to trust this new guy. He's finally learned that you like your

coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don't

understand his bedtime songs,

you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it. 

More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting

next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you

by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing

is familiar. Where are

you? Where is he taking you? 

You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to a

room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You

are confused. And worried. 

The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps

you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously

thrilled to see you. 

You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is

your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles

(although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the

back, and puts your hand in

the hands of the new guy. The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you

to the door. The familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as

the elevator doors close on you and the new guy. 

The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what

else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries to make you smile,

so you grin back, wanting to "get along." You board a plane. The flight is

long. You sleep a lot,

wanting to mentally escape from the situation. 

Hours later, the plane touches down. The new guy is very excited and leads

you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light

bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to

another guy who hugs

you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man

who pats your back and kisses your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you

a big hug and messes your hair. 

Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the

biggest hug you've ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons

to you in some language you've never heard before. 

He leads you to a car and drives you to another location. Everything here

looks different. The climate is not what you're used to. The smells are

strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the black coffee. You wonder if

someone told him that you

like your coffee black. 

You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for hours,

staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet

aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and

tries to comfort you with

soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to

asleep. 

People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as

you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new

guy's hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other, marveling

at how quickly you've

fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to be a part of the

happiness. 

Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away.

Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready. Although the man at

this house is nice and you're hanging on for dear life, you've learned from

experience that men

come and go, so you just wait in expectation for the next one to come along.

Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you

expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so

great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new

guy to yelp in pain. He just

looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take the cup. You

give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait          

How is Lily doing???

I get this question several times a day. Is she adjusting, attaching, etc.  Lily is doing GREAT!! We have done so many things together and she really is awesome. I took her to see her first movie and she loved it - hence the 3D glasses in the last post.  She does well at church, in restaurants, taking the boys to school each day, doctors, dentists and visiting friends.  I am sometimes shocked at how well she is handling all this.  This cetainly does not mean that things are PERFECT!!  Today for instance she had her first little time out.  She was set on the chair and I sat by her the entire time. She has a very strong will and I needed to let her know what she did was wrong. She had hurt me and all she needed to do was apologize.  Well.......... after 25 minutes of screaming and hitting the chair she finally decided to apologize.  When she was done she was happy as can be, kissing me, playing etc.  I know some people say this is normal 3-year old stuff but this is also about attachment.  Some signs of that we need to look out for (which could also be typical stuff, but many together can cause concern) a very strong will, extreme independence, not wanting to be comforted, hurting others, screaming etc.  In reality, she has only been with us for 1 month and in Canada for 2 weeks.  So really she is doing really well and attaching well - it does not mean that we don't have things to work on. We don't leave her without at least 1 parent,  we discourage other people from holding her (especially in stressful situations) and only allow mom, dad or brothers to console her when sad or hurt.  This is our first go at it so we are still reading and researching and trying to do our best :) 

Hopefully we are doing something right:)

Our 1 Month Anniversary!!!!

Well not technically, but 4 Sundays ago they placed Lily into our arm - albeit screaming:)

What a month!!! It feels like she has been in our lives forever and yet she still feels so new to us.  Today we went to church and to our nephew's confirmation - she did a great job all day long!  I must say most days she is doing amazingly well - there are a few times that she has times when she goes a little berserk. 

Yesterday, Lily and I were looking at our photos from China - we were talking about everything we did there.  When we came to the pictures of the orphanage and the pictures where we first met, I looked down and realized that she was silently crying.  I rocked her and talked to her and she just so sadly cried for about 15 min.  Because she is such a happy, outgoing little girl, I sometimes forget that she is still sad and mourning her life - the only life she knew.  

She still loves her music - this morning her and I were danc

ing to ABBA - of course the Dancing Queen :)  When I was reading her orphanage referral I forgot that they had mentioned that she already then loved music and dancing to it - thata girl!!!

She also suckered some more people for thier phones and was doing the dance with Vicky and Giselle!!

Things I have learned...

Here are the top 5 things I have learned since having a daughter (that still makes me smile:)

1.  Your beloved Chai Latte is no longer yours alone - you now must share with the girl. Why aren't boys ever interested in Latte's?

2.  Hair pretty's are in every drawer, pocket and cupboard

3.  Your favourite lip gloss' go missing frequently

4.  You are not the only one with major bedhead

5. It's really not all about you in the morning, instead you have someone else to get pretty

She has now moved on from our Ipods to our camera and phone. She has destroyed our camera (we needed a new one anyways) and dropped my phone in a puddle today - argh!! No more adult toys for her.  Since she ruined our camera we were unable to update our blog.  We will try and keep you updated a couple of times a week on how she is doing.  Slowly but surely the big bags under my eyes are disappearing :)

It's been a couple of days so far.

I am amazed at how well Lily is adjusting.  She is happy and has really calmed down.  

Monday was Ken's first day back to work, when she realized he was

 leaving she put on her boots and started heading out after him.  When I brought her back in she stood at the front window and cried for Baba.  

Today there were no tears just a bye bye Baba and back to playing.  She is

 doing really well - playing with her dolls, colouring, going to the park and visiting family. She is sleeping really well too - she wakes up about once a night crying but all we have to do is go in, give her a kiss and she goes back to bed.  

Food has been a bit of a hit or miss.  She eats hard boiled eggs and not much more. I found a grocery store that sells authentic Chinese food - like whole ducks hanging in a rotisserie - head and all:)  I bought a ton of things that she ate in China and when I cooked them up for her she wouldn't' touch them.  Guess she'll be eating eggs and cucumber for a bit longer. Last night for dinner she wouldn't touch her pork chops but would put them on Ken's plate. When he fed her she ate them all :) Good old Baba!

We're home!!!

Yeah - we made it!!  It is so nice to be home. I feel so much more relaxed and didn't realize how tense I was. I realized I was all stressed out because everyone is watching you and how you react to this child who is testing you. We are home and she is relaxed and happy. She slept in her new room all night long.  

The flight itself was pretty good - we had a rough start though.  About an hour into the flight, Ken had to go to the washroom and there was a line-up.  He was gone for about 15 minutes - disaster.  I was sitting with Lily when she started to explode!!!  She first started calling Baba and after about 5 minutes full on SCREAMING!!! People were trying to give me toys, food anything. She would look at me and look so angry that I was keeping her from Baba and just scream at the top of her lungs and then the crying started - absolute wailing - she got herself so worked up that she puked all over herself, me and the puke bag! This in only the first hour of a 14 hour flight - I was a little stressed.  I took her in the washroom where she proceeded to scream her head off at me, cleaned us up as best as I could and rocked her to sleep - phew!!  She slept for most of the flight and was a really good girl.  Waking moments had to be with daddy.  When we all got to TO she was a bit of a stinker, running around at customs, rolling on the floor at the baggage claim because daddy went to go get the luggage - I love everyone staring at me wondering why I had this psycho child.  

By the time we got out the doors and saw Kelly waiting for us I was on the verge of tears and said "here you go meet your aunt" and handed her over. Not the "Welcome to Canada" I  was experiencing but we had just travelled for over 20 hours, were hot and exhausted.

Once at home, there were welcome home banners and balloons. She ran around with the boys and explored everything. She seems very comfortable and happy. We will see how the next few days pan out as she settles down - should be interesting!    

The last couple of pictures while in China.

Our facilitator - Yulin. She is truly amazing and has helped us find Lily and every step of the way.  She has helped create 100's if not 1000's of families. 

The last sleep - she was a little pooped after a night of partying :)  

The last picture is of the morning we left. She's got some crazy "night after the party hair" and is raring to go. 

Our goodbye celebration!!

We had a wonderful farewell celebration with great food, magic and tradition Chinese dance. It was all very neat and the kids loved it.  We are thrilled to be going home!  

All of the kids received scrolls with their names on them. They celebrate all the birthdays while we were in China and Ethan got to be part of the magic show. 

Pictures from the Forbidden City - it was a very hot and long day as you can tell by the pictures.  All the beautiful temples are starting to blur together now :)  You will also notice that there is a constant fog in all the pictures - you can't actually see the sun because there is always a haze - smog!

Dylan being the superstar again. 

I probably should apologize being a teacher and all. I know that I didn't proofread my blog well while in China but you have to remember that I was often posting in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep anymore or trying to quick get a post in before I passed out for the night - serious sleep deprivation!

We are on our way home...

Well our luggage has been picked up and we leave in half an hour. Lily is currently napping and i am getting ready. Ken has taken the boys to the lobby for a snack and a game of cards.  

I have so many mixed emotions right now. I am thrilled to be going home - I am sick and need my own bed:) We are all looking forward to beginning our life together.  We keep telling Lily that she is going home - we show her pictures of a plane, her bedroom and our house.  She just smiles and nods without a clue as to what's going on :) 

 I am sad for her as she leave behind her birthland and her culture.  I know that her life will be great in Canada however, she comes from a land and a people that she should be proud of. We will try and teach her the best we can about it.  We have had so many unique experiences but they were all awesome.  The chinese people are a very kind, happy and open people. So many people smiled, talked to us and helped us when we needed it. I will be sad to see China go.  

I do hope that Lily will get to experience her culture and know what a wonderful place this is to visit when she is old enough to appreciate it.  China will always be a very special and remarkable place to all of us - she gave us our daughter for that we will be forever grateful!

Talk to you in Canada!!!

Problems with the blog

For some reason I am unable to add any new photos - I will update when we get home. 

Our last full day!

Today was our last full day in China.  As much as we loved it here we are ready to go home and begin life as a family of five.  

Today we went to Tianneman Square and the Forbidden City - both were really neat to see. The Forbidden City is beautiful, all the buildings are breathtaking!  

Both places are very busy tourist attractions - some of the busiest in the world. Therefore they attract many different kinds of people. There were beggars out front which was diificult to see as they are not the homeless people we are used to but instead people with deformities or people bring their children that are deformed.  We saw one boy about Dylan's age covered in growths on his head and his arms were severely burned - it's one of those things that you would rather not see because it breaks your heart knowing that some children in the world have so much more to bare than we do.  

Dylan was still the star of the show - we would say Dylan to your left and he would sigh, turn, smile and pose. Too funny!

I can't seem to get my pictures from the day to post - I will post those when we come back from dinner. 

A little manic...

So you know how we have sooo many people praying for Lily? Well maybe could you cut down on hers a bit and say some for me?  :)  This girl is the delight of my life and also driving me a little batty.

Some of the people in our travel group 

 thought that she was adopted a couple of years ago and we are just back for a visit.  Many people are here with their daughters for a homeland visit.  In fact, we have 3 other couples from Waterloo that live within 5 min of us. Others, like our guides and agency people cannot believe how well adjusted she is. She laughs all day long, plays, gives kisses etc.  Our dream child.  

AND THEN.....  

we have crying, screaming, sadness, yelling, hitting crazy chick. Yes, I do know why and understand but it can still be a little taxing.  Here are some photos

 within 10 minutes of eachother.  The first is her playing and kissing everyone and then not 10 minutes later Ken leaves to go play with the boys and I have quiet time with her.....  I know it's not nice to take pictures when she is crying but

 after 30 minutes I get a little bored and they are cute :)

As this too shall pass......

I have only survived this far with one of my adoption groups on-line (RQ) There are many people here who are going through this process or have gone through it several times. I have received help, encouragement and advise through this long wait.  So as I am going through this attachment stuff I naturally post where the "experts" are - to help get answers and to reassure what I am doing. Here is part of a great post that has helped me get through some of this.

"She is most likely testing you to make sure you will always be there and always love her. Whatever she does, keep a smile on your face and tell her you love her.  

Your most likely to make progress in the hotel room where they feel the safest. They are truly scared that we'll leave them like everyone else has her in life. It will get better."

When I think about all this crazy stuff in terms of her 3 year old mind my heart aches for her and completely understands why she is doing this.  It hurts a little but I am really o.k. with her rejecting me when daddy's around. I am just happy that she feels safe and knows that we are her forever family.