I LOVE having a girl..

Seriously I love it. When I watch Lily playing dress-up and putting on make-up it makes me giddy!!  I could totally do nails and play dress-up for hours.  In this picture Lily and Phoebe painted each other's nails  - they did a fine job.  Phoebe was a little upset because Lily got nail polish up to the first knuckle on her. Lily loves to sing and dance - lately she has been trying to teach me a song in Chinese and keeps correcting my pronunciation :)

Who is this little girl..

I was looking at some old photos from China and I can't believe that this little girl is the same one here today.  She looks so little and sad in this photo and resembles nothing of the Lily we know today. 

 Even though there were so seriously difficult and emotional times I still feel like I should be pinched because everything is going so well.  For the last 2 weeks we have had no screaming fits, meltdowns or huge battle of wills.  Things have been going very well with Lily - she is doing a great job!!

We also were given an amazing shower at church (thanks Ang and Jo).  Lily received so many nice clothes and toys - she was thrilled!  When we first got there she was a little overwhelmed and would only go to Daddy and was acting up quite a bit. Once she assumed everyone "forgot" about her she was great! She rode her scooter, bike and helped open all her presents.  She got so many awesome things that she is fully outfitted for this year and next.  We are just so surrounded by people that love and support us it is often overwhelming.  Ken and I both could only get out a few words of thanks until we started blubbering:)  I hope everyone knew how appreciative we were.

Lily's first Easter

We had a great Easter weekend with Lily and the boys.  We coloured eggs, went on many egg hunts, spent time with family and lots other things.  She has been awesome.  This week she has really settled in - we have had no meltdowns or challenges in almost a week and she is coming to me as often as daddy.  She is fitting in so well with our family and her cousins.  I don't think she remembers not being here:)

Not much to say today except .....  THANK GOODNESS FOR NAPS!!!!!!!!!!

Lily was a major cranky bum today so nap time started early and I am being SUPER quiet in hopes of a nice long nap:)

This week we had 2 awesome days in a row together where she was the happiest little girl ever, affectionate, giggling - it was so nice to see.  Today she a little more cranky and when she gets that way she challenges ME about everything, eating, walking, what clothes she's wearing.  Let's hope for three awesome days next week:)

Disclaimer :)

So apparently some people are confused about my post yesterday.  This is a post I found on an attachment website that tries to put an adults  perspective on what a child is going through when they have gone through adoption!!  Maybe I should have stated my frame of mind was solely on what I think Lily is going through. I personally did not write this but found it to be a good  representation of what might be going on in her little mind. 

Yesterday was a hard day - found this....

A Different Perspective        

 Immense Loss; Walk a Mile in Baby’s Booties 

Imagine for a moment… 

You have met the person you've dreamed about all your life. He has every

quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying

every free moment with your fiancée. You love his touch, his smell, the way

he looks into your eyes. For

the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by "soul mate,"

for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart

beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every

joy, his every sorrow. 

The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you

are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that night,

exhausted from the day's events, but relaxed and joyful in the knowledge

that you are next to the

person who loves you more than anyone in the world…the person who will be

with you for the rest of your life. 

The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner's arms. You open your

eyes and immediately look for his face. 

But IT'S NOT HIM! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror.

Who is this man? Where is your beloved? 

You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he

doesn't understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and

calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you,

pat you on the

back,...even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay. 

But you know that nothing is okay. Your beloved is gone. Where is he? Will

he return? When? What has happened to him? 

Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you

ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort

you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn't speak your language-either

verbally or

emotionally. He doesn't seem to realize the terrible thing that has

happened...that your sweetheart is gone. 

You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bedtime

with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep

alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact. 

Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are

learning to trust this new guy. He's finally learned that you like your

coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don't

understand his bedtime songs,

you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it. 

More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting

next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you

by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing

is familiar. Where are

you? Where is he taking you? 

You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to a

room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You

are confused. And worried. 

The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps

you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously

thrilled to see you. 

You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is

your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles

(although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the

back, and puts your hand in

the hands of the new guy. The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you

to the door. The familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as

the elevator doors close on you and the new guy. 

The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what

else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries to make you smile,

so you grin back, wanting to "get along." You board a plane. The flight is

long. You sleep a lot,

wanting to mentally escape from the situation. 

Hours later, the plane touches down. The new guy is very excited and leads

you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light

bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to

another guy who hugs

you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man

who pats your back and kisses your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you

a big hug and messes your hair. 

Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the

biggest hug you've ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons

to you in some language you've never heard before. 

He leads you to a car and drives you to another location. Everything here

looks different. The climate is not what you're used to. The smells are

strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the black coffee. You wonder if

someone told him that you

like your coffee black. 

You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for hours,

staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet

aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and

tries to comfort you with

soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to

asleep. 

People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as

you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new

guy's hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other, marveling

at how quickly you've

fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to be a part of the

happiness. 

Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away.

Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready. Although the man at

this house is nice and you're hanging on for dear life, you've learned from

experience that men

come and go, so you just wait in expectation for the next one to come along.

Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you

expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so

great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new

guy to yelp in pain. He just

looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take the cup. You

give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait          

How is Lily doing???

I get this question several times a day. Is she adjusting, attaching, etc.  Lily is doing GREAT!! We have done so many things together and she really is awesome. I took her to see her first movie and she loved it - hence the 3D glasses in the last post.  She does well at church, in restaurants, taking the boys to school each day, doctors, dentists and visiting friends.  I am sometimes shocked at how well she is handling all this.  This cetainly does not mean that things are PERFECT!!  Today for instance she had her first little time out.  She was set on the chair and I sat by her the entire time. She has a very strong will and I needed to let her know what she did was wrong. She had hurt me and all she needed to do was apologize.  Well.......... after 25 minutes of screaming and hitting the chair she finally decided to apologize.  When she was done she was happy as can be, kissing me, playing etc.  I know some people say this is normal 3-year old stuff but this is also about attachment.  Some signs of that we need to look out for (which could also be typical stuff, but many together can cause concern) a very strong will, extreme independence, not wanting to be comforted, hurting others, screaming etc.  In reality, she has only been with us for 1 month and in Canada for 2 weeks.  So really she is doing really well and attaching well - it does not mean that we don't have things to work on. We don't leave her without at least 1 parent,  we discourage other people from holding her (especially in stressful situations) and only allow mom, dad or brothers to console her when sad or hurt.  This is our first go at it so we are still reading and researching and trying to do our best :) 

Hopefully we are doing something right:)

Our 1 Month Anniversary!!!!

Well not technically, but 4 Sundays ago they placed Lily into our arm - albeit screaming:)

What a month!!! It feels like she has been in our lives forever and yet she still feels so new to us.  Today we went to church and to our nephew's confirmation - she did a great job all day long!  I must say most days she is doing amazingly well - there are a few times that she has times when she goes a little berserk. 

Yesterday, Lily and I were looking at our photos from China - we were talking about everything we did there.  When we came to the pictures of the orphanage and the pictures where we first met, I looked down and realized that she was silently crying.  I rocked her and talked to her and she just so sadly cried for about 15 min.  Because she is such a happy, outgoing little girl, I sometimes forget that she is still sad and mourning her life - the only life she knew.  

She still loves her music - this morning her and I were danc

ing to ABBA - of course the Dancing Queen :)  When I was reading her orphanage referral I forgot that they had mentioned that she already then loved music and dancing to it - thata girl!!!

She also suckered some more people for thier phones and was doing the dance with Vicky and Giselle!!

Things I have learned...

Here are the top 5 things I have learned since having a daughter (that still makes me smile:)

1.  Your beloved Chai Latte is no longer yours alone - you now must share with the girl. Why aren't boys ever interested in Latte's?

2.  Hair pretty's are in every drawer, pocket and cupboard

3.  Your favourite lip gloss' go missing frequently

4.  You are not the only one with major bedhead

5. It's really not all about you in the morning, instead you have someone else to get pretty

She has now moved on from our Ipods to our camera and phone. She has destroyed our camera (we needed a new one anyways) and dropped my phone in a puddle today - argh!! No more adult toys for her.  Since she ruined our camera we were unable to update our blog.  We will try and keep you updated a couple of times a week on how she is doing.  Slowly but surely the big bags under my eyes are disappearing :)